Your leaving? So soon

A line that seems to be said by myself and my family quite a lot over the past few days.
Dad saying to Noel when in the hospital ` leaving us so soon, noel? no your not, ya daft begger`.
Ross saying to me ` leaving now? no dont? stay here with me`

I wish I could.

Chloe Candarakis arrives in Newcastle on Friday Morning and boy am I stoked for her and her mums arrival. Its going to be a crazy 5 days and no, I am not even thinking about her leaving :) I have too much to say to her and too many hours to laugh with her and her mum for to think negatively about it. We then are heading down to london (via scary plane) for a few days :D to dance and shop and see the capital. I am BETTING I hear the words `Conservative` and `Labour` more than Katie Price has called Alex Reid Peter Andre by mistake while in the bedroom.

Life at the moment can be summed up in a short phrase: Fucking unfair

I realised today that I take a lot of things for granted. Sitting up here, chilling to Paolo Nutini - Autumn over and over again makes me realise how much I love my life. Everything and everyone in it. From the ability to create to the love I received from my family, my boyfriend and from the best kind of friends.

Its days like this as well that I miss being able to do what the fuck I wanted.You know the days when you were young and you stayed out every hour of the day and didnt give a shit about anything?
That is why this summer is going to be all about;
Sunshine
Chilling to the best music with the best kind of people
Party
Camping
Dancing

Best things.

Life

I read a paragraph once about life.
It said `The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities`

Its bizarre to think everyone lives such a vicious life. No matter how happy you are or claim to be. Life in itself is a vicious happening. Why should it be acceptable to create life then take it away? In either such a sudden or elongated way? If your going to take it away, whoever you are Mr and Mrs grim reeper, why give it in the first place?

Its times like this, at moments in my life like this, that make me question everything I was taught to believe in at school. Everything involving God, Christianity and religion. Everything about the 10 commandments including ` Thou Shal Not Kill`. Contradictory Mister maker? I think fucking so.

I dont believe in God. I dont believe in science. But at least science doesnt take lives the way it seems `God` does. Now, I dont want to make this a religious blog because sadness dawns on me too much to go into that. All I know is, when it comes down to it, everyone has felt this before, what Im feeling. So my family and I dont feel alone.

Some are scared. All I know is that this maybe life and it may occur on a regular basis. Im just angry and disappointed with whoevers idea it is to take away a life, of a friend of the family. Its wrong. All of it is wrong. Life is all wrong.